Anger.

Anger.
Frustration.
I feel lied to.


I feel too hurt to want to pursue it any further.

Give heart and soul.
Be committed in every fucking sense of the word.
And the compensation is that of
departure, separation, and the discovery of small secrets that hurt.

The tiny casualties have added up.
The sum is too much to swallow.


No more.
And NEVER again.

In the Reins.

I felt truly lucky to be together.

"He Lays in the Reins," played in the background.

Just us. No other person. No other thought.

Nothing else held importance.
Just us.

I will remember him for a very long time.
And tonight I felt it.
I felt what had been missing for too many years.

"He Lays in the Reins."
This feeling is so articulate in the song.

Words cannot be expressive enough, but words with melody...

Growing Up

I don't have many people around me anymore.
I have distanced myself from friendship.

I feel lonely when I think about it.
I also worry that I can no longer co-exist with friends that I have had for so many years.

I just feel differently.

I don't drink so much.
I don't go to bars as much.
Social status doesn't feel so important anymore.
What changed?

I want to make something of myself.

I feel tired with what I have known.
I want to know a deeper meaning to living.

"Departure, Fulfillment, Return."

I am definitely in departure.
I want fulfillment.
I want it so badly.

Feelin' Hella Low.

I don't get relationships.

I don't get why I act the way I do in relationships.

Somedays I just don't want to have anything to do with romance.

Today was one of those days.

I need a personal day.

When constants aren't so constant anymore.

Shit.
This four letter word is a summation of how I feel.
The economic failure of this country has been a hot topic.
I have always felt at a distance from the hardships others are facing across the U.S.
It just hadn't hit me until now.

I am beginning to see my friends lose their jobs.
I feel terribly. No matter how badly I feel, my friends are facing even tougher emotions and questions.

The American state of paradise we have lived in is crumbling.
The constants don't feel so constant anymore.

I can't keep from wondering when this crisis is going to directly affect me or my family.
Is this truly the beginning of the next great depression?
It is progressively starting to feel like it is.

Who is truly safe right now?
I am worried, but willing to take the necessary actions to provide for my family.
I will move back home.
I will take ANY job available.

Paradise crumbling.
Is life as we have come to expect it in for a drastic change?
Are the next generations of Americans going to learn true survival?
Will convenience and technology become true luxury for those in secure finances?

Shit.